Tuesday, January 3, 2012

One More Christmas

I recently found a stack of unopened Christmas cards from last Christmas (2010).  Our first Christmas without Jesse physically here.  I didn't realize just what a hard time I was having until I found those unopened cards.  It hit me hard just how difficult it was.

Part of what makes it hard is that Jesse's birthday is Dec 17 one week before Christmas Eve.  He came home from the hospital in a Christmas stocking.  It was wonderful to have some of our other children here this Christmas. The pain is easier to escape when we have them around ... and our sweet little granddaughters, what a joy they are.  And when they all left the loneliness hit doubly hard.

It helps to keep busy. I feel so blessed to be able to do the work I do -- helping others, what a blessing it is to me!

It is my desire to live each day to the fullest -- to be able to serve God and my fellow man in a way that will make it so that at the end of my life I can stand before God and myself and say "I did my best",  every moment of every day I did my best -- even when it was hard and hurt.  I keep working on my brain and my thinking. It can be quite the challenge especially with dark forces whispering all kinds of lies in my ears trying to take me down.  I'm learning how to take my brain back and not listen to those lies.  I'm learning how to focus on the many blessings in my life, to focus on the 16 years that we got to have Jesse with us.  That we got to have him at all.  I am blessed in so many ways.  I'm so grateful for our 7 children who are still here with us.  I'm so glad that I listened to that feeling that told me to focus on my children.  I knew I had a short time with Stefen and Jesse while they were finishing up High School.  They were my main priority and I'm so glad I listened to those promptings.  Even though there were still regrets, not enough time or hugs.  Not enough I love yous.  I do my best to never miss an opportunity to say I love you and give a hug.

I'm so grateful to be able to have beautiful family, friends and women in my life who I know understand my pain, my joy and my heart.

Thank you all for all the ways you bless me, my life and my family.



  1. Elizabeth, you are amazing. You have buoyed up so many people. God bless for the goodness you share with people everywhere. I HAVE AN AMAZING FAMILY!

  2. Thank you Zabel!! So nice to see you here!!

    I love you,